This is annoying.
And while I would really just like to tell him where to stick his opinions, I have an overwhelming desire to make him think I look nice. I would have thought that unconditional love means that he would think I was pretty no matter what I was wearing but he has assured me on many occasions that this is, in fact, not correct.
While I often like to brag about how I have improved his clothes, hair and taste in music, I have to admit that his strong views on what I wear have made a difference to my wardrobe. I don't wear jeans anywhere near as much as I did before we started dating. And I rarely, if ever, where shorts outside of the gym. As shorts are gross apparently.
But this isn't all bad. For there have been trends that have come and gone over the course of our 11 year marriage that, had I not been married, I think I probably would have dabbled in. And thanks to my husband making gagging noises when I tried them on or making a stinky face at photos of some hot model wearing something that is super-trendy that he doesn't get, I can admit, in retrospect, that I have managed to avoid some pretty tragic looks. Here are a few from the last couple of years:
1. Harem pants
These became fasionable again a few years ago - and variations of them still kind of are.
They are basically pants that are baggy at the top, low at the crotch (sometimes reallly low - like down around your ankles low) and tight around the calves/ankles. They pretty much look like you have taken a dump in a pair of very stretchy tracksuit pants.
The other amazing thing about these pants is that they are not always designed primarily with comfort in mind. You could buy sequinned ones for evening wear or even leather ones if you wanted to try something a bit more edgy.
Looking good, RiRi!
Harem pants were first in fashion in the 80s but then they were called "Hammer Pants" after the man who brought them to the world's attention, MC Hammer.
I was too young to wear them in the 80s though. And I am perhaps the most grateful to my husband for ensuring that I missed this trend the second time around as well. I don't think my husband is alone in hating these pants either - they are definite man-repellers. I would like to think that I would have avoided them even without his guidance, but thankfully I didn't have to find out.
2. High-waisted jeans
Jeans are supposed to be relaxed, comfortable and timeless. But that goes against everything that fashion stands for. So, the fashion industry keeps finding ways to make staying at the cutting edge of denim extremely difficult - if not dangerous.
It took us girls years to come to grips with how to wear those low-rise, super-skinny jeans. But then, just as we were all starting to get the hang of it (wearing longer shirts to hide the evil muffin-top and buying underwear that was equally low-rise so we didn't look like we were impersonating Marky-Mark), along came the high-rise jeans.
They sounded great in theory - instead of showing butt-cleavage or having our bellies hanging over the top, these new jeans would cover it all up and hold it all in! And seeing gorgeous skinny models wearing them in the magazines and on catwalks made it look oh so easy.
But, like most fashion, in reality they only look good on really skinny, really tall women. Check out Victoria's Secrets model, Alessandra Ambrosio and singer/kind of actor Jessica Simpson below for the proof:
Am I right?
Given that he doesn't like jeans on girls that much anyway, my husband was definitely not a fan of these. And when he pointed out that they made normally quite stylish and slight girls look a bit chunkers, I knew this was one battle that just wasn't worth fighting. Even his beloved Keira Knightly looked a bit weird in them (but by no means fat):
3. The Onesie
Certainly there are many examples of rompers that are just plain wrong. This evening lace onesie that Leighton Meester wore on the red carpet (that also look like harem pants) is a perfect example.
Yikes! But for every fugly one, there seems to be a totally cute one out there to make me think I could maybe like them.
And there are those that just, well, confuse me. Is this cute? Is it a pair of jammies being worn outside the house? Where should you wear it? And why do I kind of want to wear it?
I dunno. But given my husband thinks they are just ugly no matter what, I don't think I will bother. Which is probably for the best.