Why God? Why? (The Festival Report)

I am so sorry you guys - I know I promised to post yonks ago (well - a couple of weeks ago). But I have got such treats for you today that I hope you are able to find it in your hearts to forgive me my tardiness.

So a few posts back, I gave some pretty practical advice on what girls should not wear to a music festival (check it if you haven't already). And I thought that maybe - just maybe - after imparting my wisdom to the masses, this year people would dress a bit more appropriately. Well. How wrong can one girl be?

The Big Day Out in Sydney was an even bigger freak-show than usual. It is like people just didn't read my post or something (pfft - unlikely!). Or maybe they did read it and then figured I didn't know what I was talking about and so decided to do the opposite of everything I said (slightly more likely but still pretty ridiculous)?

And while I did have an aMAZing day getting my festival on and all, I couldn't help but get distracted by all of the fashion tragedies that were wandering around the place, desperately searching for liquor, cigs or their boyf (sometimes all three came in a neat little, semi-naked package with a spesh southern cross tattoo emblazoned across its back).

So, I took photos. I felt kinda dodgy doing this but figured, what the hey! I feel like it is for the greater public-good or something and so it is all ok.

I have blurred out the faces of the fashion-challenged specimans displayed below to protect their *ahem* image but if you recognise yourself, and actually feel like owning up to the fact that you looked THIS HIDEOUS, message me and I will take your photo down ASAP. (Of course, I may also feel the need to email you back with a scathing lecture on why a bikini is not an actual top or how, if you can't do your fly up, it is a sign that you should put on some shorts that fit and not just rock around the place WITH YOUR PANTS UNDONE!!!!!! But I do promise to delete your photo. Kay? Kay.)

So here are some of the fine moments in festival styling that I came across. You may notice a "clothing optional" theme and this was pretty much followed by at least 80% of the crowd - male and female. Sadly, I didn't get the memo and left my hot pants at home.

Dammit.

I am not sure, but I think this is a denim, Australian flag onesie - outstanding!!!

 

 Some kind of tropical, calypso thing going on here. Clearly at the festival to check out Rammstein. At least it qualifies as a top. Snaps for that.

Denim nappy with scales? Bra sets it off just lovely.

Never let the fact that you can't zip up your tiny skirt stop you from wearing it in public - just match it with a totally cute, macrame swimsuit! Yeah!

These guys all got the clothing optional memo. Maybe I can get on some kind of mailing list so I don't feel so overdressed next year...

BTW Special shout out to Bron who posed for fake photos in front of some of these gals so I didn't look like a total psycho-stalker. M-wah!

xx EM

Oops! I did it again...

Now that 2010 is so last year, I thought it was a good time for some reflection on what went down over the past 12 months. 

One of themes that ran through 2010 for me was breaking rules – well, my own fashion rules anyway.

Most of these rules came about as a result of some hard lessons that I learnt in my youth following some truly heinous fashion faux pas. After humiliating myself by slavishly following one stupid trend after another, I told myself that, no matter what fashion dictates, I would not make those same mistakes again.

Well, apparently that was a big, fat lie.

Here is what got a second look-in in 2010 despite my better judgement:

Rule: Midriff tops are silly and should be avoided

I used to be obsessed with midriff tops. I was devoted to them from the late 80s right through to the late 90s. When I was 8 or 9 I wore a purple Dannii midriff t-shirt with an aqua rah-rah skirt and crimped hair to school dances. Later, when I was around 15, I would confuse the hell out of my parents by pairing a knitted midriff jumper with a big vintage jacket and baggy, ripped Levis in the middle of Winter – no way was the cold weather going to stop me from baring my belly!

Then trends seemed to move away from tiny tops and, as my personal obsession also waned, I decided that I would never go back to midriffs again.

But now they are back! The fact that they are currently in fashion isn’t the real reason why I bought one a few months ago. Nope. It is the fact that I really wanted to show my new tattoo off!

*sigh* When, exactly, am I going to grow up? At least I have made the decision to only wear the top with high-waisted skirts and pants. The ol’ belly-button will remain covered. Well, for the time being at least...

Rule:  Never wear white leather shoes 

When I was about 10 I had these fab white leather mini-heels. I used to wear them with white shorts (now that is one mistake I really won’t be making again!) and thought they were the hottest thing ever. I got over that one pretty quickly though and they were never replaced.

The white leather shoes that I bought this year aren’t really the same thing but there is no denying their white-ness.

Screw it – I love them!

Rule:  Bodysuits – just say no!

I noticed bodysuits cropping up again in shops a year or so ago. I recoiled in terror when I saw them on the rack – memories of uncomfortable press-studs that made going to the bathroom a nightmare came flooding back to me and I made a vow not to be seen dead in one this time around.

But then I found one last year that kind of reminded me of something a ballerina would wear and it had a really cool low-scooped back. I thought it would be so good for layering too because it wouldn’t ride up. The next thing I knew, I was at the cash register and another rule bit the dust.

I also enjoy wearing it around the house over black opaques and pretending I am Edie Sedgwick.

Rule: Unless you are actually Dutch, why would you wear clogs?

Ah, clogs! I had this hideous pair of brown leather clogs in the early/mid 90s and I mistakenly thought they went with absolutely EVERYTHING that I owned. It also happened to be at the time that I was carrying a lot of extra puppy-fat so they kind of made me look like a piggy running around on these little wooden trotters. Not pretty. Regrettably, I was as unaware of my weight issues as I was about the hideousness of those clogs so I would strut around like I was Kate Moss or something. It is traumatising just for me to think about it.

So how the hell did I end up buying these little fellas last month?

I have no idea. I mean, they aren’t exactly clogs but they are certainly of the clog-family. They are really high too and quite unstable so I kind of wobble on them a bit like a newborn giraffe. But I thought they were hot when I saw them and I still kinda do. I have only worn them out once though and I ended up falling over in quite an ungracious way in front of a bunch people and skinned one of my knees. Tres chic! 

Anyways, happy New Year you guys! One of my resolutions is to write more so I will hopefully be posting more often. Well - that is the plan. We'll see...

xx

Brisbane - it's ok!

If you know me IRL, you may have heard me banging on about how crap Brisbane is and how glad I am that I have now moved to the far more awesome city of Sydney. This is mainly because I felt trapped in Brisbane for sooooo long that I had completely lost sight of any charm that it has. Also, it is a bit crap.

But about a month ago, I decided to go back there for the weekend. Not because I missed the place though - I went back because I missed the absolutely gorgeous people who still call Brisbane home. That's right. Not everyone has left Brisbane and those that are left there happen to be some of the most fab people that I have ever known.

What I did not expect, however, was that I would not only get to enjoy the company of these awesome people but that I would also enjoy some amazing shopping! Not exactly something you head to Brisbane for if we are being honest - the city's look tends mostly to comprise of denim skirts, singlets and thongs (for Summer) and denim skirts, singlets, ugg boots and a scarf (for those couple of days in Winter when it gets a bit chilly).

I wanted to give a shout out to a couple of shops in particular that I used to love to frequent when I lived in Brisbane and that seem to have gotten even more super over the last couple of years:

Dogstar
Dogstar is a local label that have made gorgeous, unique clothes for ages. And the current season seems to be the best yet. Unfortunately, they don't seem to be carried in many Sydney shops (that I have found, anyway) but they have a few amazing shops in Brisbane (City, Paddington, New Farm...). I am planning to take advantage of their online store in between visits to Queensland.

I picked up this skirt while I was there:

Source: www.dogstar.com.au

 

(Now obviously, it is not me in this photo - I look pretty cute in it but this model is way hotter and also taller.)

This skirt is from Dogstar's current season. I really love how they styled it here too. Not how I rock it but it is still very cool. I wear it higher on my waist with a little black cropped singlet that is tied to show the top of my belly and my ribs (and, conveniently, my new tattoo!). And with big boots. It makes me happy.

I wouldn't have minded grabbing the dress in the same print too and could have grabbed a few other dresses while I was at it but it was literally the first shop that I went into and I didn't want to blow all my cash before the weekend had even gotten started. Which is a good thing, because the next shop also liberated quite a bit of cash from me and it would have been a tragedy to have gone in there with nothing left in the ol' wallet.

Bessie Head
Bessie Head has been around for a while but it seems to have grown up a bit over the last few years. It now carries some of the most amazing labels (Deadly Ponies, Ellery, Friedrich Gray, Therese Rawsthorne etc etc) and the layout of the shop is dark and slick - perfect for inducing a shopping-frenzy that ended with me feeling a little dazed but very, very satisfied also.

They have a great range of accessories and other pretty things too. I picked up this little fella while I was there:

Sadly, their website doesn't really show much - but they have a blog!  It is pretty good too. Check it.


Now, I am not saying that this shopping extravaganza has changed my mind about Brisbane and that I now long to move back there or anything crazy like that. And obviously the shopping in Sydders and Melbs is still ahead of the game when it comes to fashion.

But Brisbane is catching up - and fast!

PS - Much love and thanks to my Brisbane shopping companions, Bron and Jas. You guys would make shopping in any city a total blast!  xox

All I want for Christmas...

I had a lot of trouble this year working out what it was that I wanted to get for Christmas from the husband. We tend not to do the whole surprise thing much because it usually leads to disappointment. So we ask for what we want off each other and then we are super-duper happy on the big day.

Now I ended up asking for some pretty sweet things and will be well happy when I unwrap them. But the things that I really, really, REALLY want for Christmas aren't the sorts of things he can get me. At least not from the new Westfields in Sydney... They are the more in the realm of "Christmas miracles" I'm afraid.

So in case there really is a Santa Claus, here is my actual Christmas wish list:

• A job in New York (like a proper job - I am so not going to be able to live the way I want to live in New York if I work at Starbucks or in a book shop or something)
• Blake Lively's teeth - and, while I am at it, her legs too
• A good justification for how I can be a vegan and still have an addiction to gorgeous leather handbags and shoes
• If I can't have the one above, I at least want a vegan Birkin handbag in orange or purple (hey - if Dior can make Natalie Portman some vegan shoes, why not?). Oh - that reminds me - some vegan Louboutins too!
• A book deal - or a regular magazine column. For a magazine in NYC of course
• An apartment that looks just the way I want it to and is a perfect reflection of my personality (oh - and I guess the husband's too) but without me really having to think about what that would look like. Preferably, the apartment would be located in Soho, the Village or anywhere in Paris.
•  A pony
• Skinny jeans that don't make me look like a giant, denim-clad carrot
• The time to perform in musicals again (and a few choice roles wouldn't go astray - Eponine, maybe?)
• Alexa Chung's wardrobe. And her aversion to food so I can fit into it all
• A black pug dog and two black whippets (but they must get along with my cats!)
• To be French (I am assuming this will come with the ability to speak French too)
• World peace or something like that to balance out the superficiality of all the above wishes

SOURCE: The Daily Telegraph

Really - am I asking too much? Probably. But I have been oh so good this year so I am thinking Santa will bring me at least something from the above list.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease let it be the pony!!!!

Merry Christmas you guys!!!!!!
xox

Festival insanity

So I would first like to acknowledge up front that I totally get that festivals are really the domain of the young - the awful, fearless, tanned, lean, non-working, long-haired young. And yes, maybe the following are merely the foolish ramblings of a bitter, no longer with it, 30-something who, a few times a year, likes to try to recapture her raging youth by seeing some bands in a field with about 50-odd thousands teens who are all high on life and various substances. 

And maybe I should just enjoy the bloody things rather than whinging about a) the fact that the tickets are SO expensive now; b) the line-up being crap and “not as good as they used to be” (you know, when you could see the likes of The Smashing Pumpkins, Soundgarden, Bjork , Primus, The Ramones and the Breeders for, like, $40); how fricking YOUNG everyone seems to be; and d) how ridiculously and inappropriately all of these kids dress.

I get all of that. But I would still like to have a whinge, if you don’t mind – particularly in relation to the last point.

Honestly, though, what the hell are the kids at festivals thinking when they get dressed? I mean, teenagers look pretty stupid most of time – it is like part of the job description – but the level of stupidity seems to be cranked up to 10 at these events. 

There is this whole scene around festival dressing. The fashion magazines do these spreads on “Summer Festival Fashion” or some such crap so that all the girls who are heading to a festival know what to wear. I assume that these girls are only attending because their boyf or bff happens to actually give a crap about the bands and they are just tagging along to look cool by association or because they are being forced to – thus causing the dilemma that has seen them running to Cosmo or, if they are mildly cool in a predictable sort of way, Yen in order to work out what to wear to the Big Day Out.

As far as I can tell, the writers of these articles have never actually been to a festival. Or, if they have, they stayed in one spot all day and had access to some kind of magical toilet, unavailable to the rest of the heaving, sweaty mass, with a mirror, great lighting and a hairdryer as well as a never ending supply of super-soft toilet paper. For the rest of us, however, these misguided lists of the latest “boho” designer wear will only come in handy when you do, inevitably, get stuck in a stinky port-a-loo at the festival which ran out of toilet paper sometime around the second act.

Not only are the clothing and accessories that they suggest usually impractical, they also tend to be stupidly expensive.  Burberry gumboots anyone? Or how about a fringed sass+bide singlet? This doesn’t really take into account the fact that you will end up ripping off the boots because they make your feet all sweaty in the extreme heat and that you may decide, in your infinite, alcohol-impaired wisdom, to discard the singlet somewhere along the way too.

I always to tend to try to dress for festivals in way that makes the most sense in light of what intend to get up to on the day. If I am likely to be in a mosh-y mood, I will wear a t-shirt (shoulder coverage to stop me getting burnt and I usually pick a fitted one so it is less likely to get ripped or let some random’s hands up it), jeans (old ones so that it doesn’t bother me if I get blood or vomit on them and maybe with a belt if I think there is a risk that they could get pulled down) and docs or something similar (boots are necessary so I don’t lose my shoes and it doesn’t hurt as much when my feet get trampled). If I am unlikely to go in the mosh pit, then I might wear a skirt or shorts but it is never anything too fancy.  

But this is just what works for me - I don’t necessarily think it is what everyone should be wearing. So instead of coming up with my own list of things to wear to a festival, I thought I would come up with a list of things NOT to wear – all of which are based on things that I have seen girls actually wearing, usually with tragic, tragic results.

• Don’t wear anything expensive or that you really care about – festivals are pretty crazy places and you never know where you (or your clothes) will end up.

• This is especially true for accessories – designer handbags, sunnies, hats etc . Sure, you may have seen pictures of Alexa Chung rocking out at Coachella with her quilted Chanel bag across her body but she is richer than you are and her boyfriend is in a band so she probably has access to all sorts of great backstage areas and lackeys who will guard her bag while she dances around with Lou Doillon.

• If you are going anywhere near a mosh pit or up front near a stage, don’t wear a skirt. (I am not going to say you will be “asking” for trouble but you may end up with a strange hand up your skirt and you won’t know whether it was the cute, indie boy next to you that you keep accidentally bumping up against or the feral, 40-odd year old on acid behind you who you have been desperately trying to get away from.)

• Re-think that long, hippie dress that you think will make you look all whimsical and free – one trip to a port-a-loo will tell you why.

• Avoid flip-flops or sandals – even if you don’t plan on moshing or dancing, your feet will get stamped on and you will walk through some questionable things. Your feet will also look minging by the end of the day.

• Never wear just a bikini top – it isn’t that hot and you will receive a nasty sunburn and unwelcome gropes for all of your trouble. Put a shirt on for God's sake.

• Heels/wedges don’t belong ANYWHERE near a festival. I don’t care which festival you are going to – this is just dumb.

• Unless you plan on staying very still, don’t wear a crap load of makeup or it will end up sliding down your chin or all over your t-shirt before you even get through the gate. This is true even if Marilyn Manson is playing. He will understand. He is lovely like that.

Otherwise, go nuts and have fun. 

Ageing disgracefully

I turn 31 tomorrow.

But don't worry - I am handling things ok. Well - better than I did when I turned 30 anyways. (Turning 30 essentially involved me having a complete mental breakdown and only a new designer handbag managed to pull me out of my funk. Pretty bag though - well worth the emotional distress.)

One thing that has been increasingly on my mind as I age though is whether the clothes that I choose to wear continue to be age-appropriate. Or have I turned into one of those sad women who desperately cling to their youth by wearing cut-off denim shorts, doc martins and getting new tattoos? Erm, actually - don't answer that.

I went shopping with my husband last weekend and was confronted with this question a few times. My husband LOATHES shopping but he does occasionally indulge me. I tell him that he has to come with me because he has such strong views about the things that I wear (shorts = bad, harem pants = evil).  So I make him sit on those horrible husband chairs in front of the change rooms while I try on various pieces and force him to make meaningful comments on each look. For example:

Me: How about this?

Him: Yeah, it looks ok.

Me: What does "ok" mean?

Him: I don't understand.

Me: Well, do you mean, "Ok, but you look kind of fat" or do you mean, "Ok, that is the one you should buy. We should also get you some cute new shoes to go with it"?

Him: I still don't understand.

Me: Ah, I see! Ok then. I look fat. Forget it. I'm not buying anything.

Him: I don't think I said that. Please don't make me do this anymore. I'm starting to get scared. (Actually, he doesn't say these things but this is kind of what his facial expressions conveyed. Oh, and panic.)

But last weekend, he did tell me what he thought about one particular dress - not until after we had left the shop mind you. Luckily I hadn't purchased it because, when I tried it on, he told me that it wasn't great and that he preferred the previous one that I had on. So I left feeling all happy with my new purchase and that is when he decided to tell me that he is glad that I didn't get the other dress because, realistically, I am getting a bit old for that sort of thing.

Surprisingly, I didn't get mad at him though because what he said kind of confirmed something that I had been thinking myself.  I have already culled a few looks from my wardrobe for fear that they should only be worn by those under 25 (short, short skirts, midriff anything, kilt skirts, knee socks etc etc). But while I don't want to wear things that I am too old for, I don't want to wear things that are too old for me either. I don't want to just wear "safe" things from now on just because I have hit this evil age starting with "3".  It is hard work making sure the balance is right and sometimes I just decide not to try things on if I think it is a bit too cutesy or too teen-agey. And then other times I think, "It's ok! I'm still hip! I can totally pull this kind of thing off still." and buy something odd in a leopard print or tartan.

So it turns out that I am actually happy that my husband didn't let me buy that black lycra dress with the bright pattern on it. (Yes, yes, ok - maybe it wasn't a great idea to begin with. I think I just wanted to prove that I was still thin enough to put it on...)

Hopefully my reaction to his comments (while I didn't get angry, I may have got more than a little depressed about it) hasn't scared him off from telling me the truth in the future... After all, it is kind of why I like him coming shopping with me in the first place...

All Hallow's Eve!!

Happy Halloween you guys!

Halloween is like Christmas for me (and I freaking love Christmas so you can imagine just how excited I get this time of year!). I celebrated it last night some of my favourite peeps at a really fun gothic ball. Everyone dressed up for the occasion and looked absolutely stunning!

My favourite thing about Halloween is that I get to dress the way that I would love to dress every day of the week and also get to do gorgeous things with makeup. Here is a peek at how I looked last night - I think you can see why it isn't an everyday thing:

I hope everyone else had a great Halloween, ate lots and lots of candy and scared little children - all that good stuff! :)

xox